Just a Few...

... reasons why Robin Hood Prince of Thieves is such a great film.

1.) Kevin Costner's mullet - the greates of all TIME.
2.) Morgan Freeman successfully portrays an Arabian man.



3.) There are doves at the wedding.
4.) The movie ends with a wedding.
5.) Maid Marian sews the Bayeux Tapestry.
6.) It is chock full of THESPIANS (as opposed to actors)
7.) The speech about living off the forest.
8.) Then they make rope bridges, pulleys and foliaged hideaways.
9.) When Little John sees his wife, Fanny at the hanging and she goes,
"'ello my lover!"
I always think in his head he's going,
"Oh, Gawd... don't REMIND me!"
10.) Duncan. Motherfucking Duncan. Duncan is the motherfucker.
11.) Friar Tuck is a drunk.
12.) Stealing bread and eating chunks of it like Aladdin.
13.) One of the very first INTENSSSSE computer animated shots to be used in a movie like this was that arrow splicing through the forest and then hitting a tree. At the time it was mind blowing... and now... not so much.
14.) "The painted man!"
"The witch!"
15.) The witch.
16.) What the eff? Why did Azeem and the witch know each other?? Awwwkwaaaard.
17.) Christian Slater.
18.) Maid Marian sees Robin's bum at his waterfall bathing site... *gasp*
19.) Robin Hood has a waterfall bathing site.
20.) Maid Marian and Azeem successfully deliver a breach birth baby in Medieval Times.
21.) Archery was cool for a day.
22.) Catapulting.
23.) The dialogue. I mean... LISTEN TO IT. IT WILL ASTOUND YOU.
24.) "Join us!"
"Never!"
"Join us... or DIE"
25.) Bull
26.) "To the TWEEES!!"
27.) Lots of spit and drool.
28.) The Sheriff of Nottingham's cousin.
29.) Clergy FIIIIGHT!!
30.) Oh ya... Sean Connery... Hey, it's me... Sean Connery.
31.) There is a twist. Robin has a brother. And it's Will Scarlett.
32.) There is another twist. Sarah, the ugly lady-in-waiting was just PRETENDING to be Maid Marian!
33.) Maid Marian's turn as a medieval ninja.
34.) They have a plinky plonky party in the woods with mead and wine.
35.) Kevin Costner rubbing horse shit on himself and ACTING blind. What a trickster... a dedicated master of trickery.
36.) The "Get These Filthy Hobo Transients into Shape" montage. Yes, there is one.
37.) A fight with bo staffs in a river... suuure.
38.) The "Get These Filthy Hobo Transients Educated" montage. The same as the one previously mentioned, but still...
39.) Robin has a lady love who visits him in his secret hiding place in the woods.
40.) Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor... Bless you, Robin 'ood.
41.) The Sheriff of Nottingham wears all black. Because he is evil.



42.) The evolution of Costner through the film.
43.) He TRIES the English accent.
44.) He is superbly cheeky at most times.
45.) Again, his HAIR.
46.) Arrows. Everywhere.
47.) Morgan Freeman is a brave and talented soul to play the straight man to Kevin Costner's cheeky attitude and tight slacks.
48.) Calling Robin "Christian".
49.) Capes.
50.) Misty mornings after plinky plonky parties in the woods.
51.) Dying for "you" inspiring the best first dance at a wedding song in ALL TIME.
52.) There's an explosion.
53.) Calling women "m'lady".
54.) Showing "English courage" in the face of getting your hand chopped off by the Turks.
55.) The Sheriff of Nottingham had a statue made in his likeness like a Dark Ages eccentric art collector (mostly for comic relief).
56.) Maid Marian's hair inspired the creation of the Lady Lovely Locks doll.
57.) Someone told Kevin Costner to channel Peter Pan in his boyish giddiness at returning home.
58.) When he does return home, they arrive at the White Cliffs of Dover so we KNOW they are in England - good.
59.) It inspired a Mel Brooks film.
60.) Arrows set on fire were the weapons of mass destruction.
61.) Christian Slater wanted to mack (mac?) on Maid Marian, but Robin Hood was like, "NOOOO!"
62.) So much raw emotion and drama. Again, spit, tears and booger snots.
63.) If they made this movie today, half of its charm would be lost. Nobody can SERIOUSLY make a film of this kind without it being a comedy.
64.) A nod to the film's seriousness was the complete lack of jaunty caps and tights.
65.) Whenever my Mom touches up her roots and sits around waiting for the dye to set in, we tell her she looks like the Sheriff of Nottingham's cousin (even though it wasn't DYE that plastered his roots down - it was grease).
66.) (Everything I Do) I Do It For You won a Grammy. Fuck yes.
67.) Kevin Costner won a Razzie Award for Worst Actor, what?? OWN IT.
68.) Marian DUBOIS... Uhhh... W.E.B. Dubois?
69.) The legend of Robin Hood was first told through song - plinky plonky ballads.
70.) Swearing things by your own blood by cutting your own hand = INTENSE.
71.) Saying "I SWEAR it!" is never overrated.
72.) Ten years after Prince of Thieves, a Disney spin off TV movie was made about Robin Hood and Marian's teen daughter... played by a young actress, maybe you've heard of her? Oh, it was Keira Knightley.


Ya, I didn't see it either...

73.) There have been over 40 adaptations of the Robin Hood tales, and Prince of Thieves is the most accurate. The producers were able to uncover Robin Hood's diary and used much of his own thoughts and words as dialogue.
74.) Almost all of the supporting characters had a strong background in the theatre. This, coupled with their plain or unfortunate looks presented movie audiences with a hauntingly accurate portrayal of REAL LIFE Medieval Times.
75.) Maid Marian wore a headband made of wheat and fruit on her wedding day.



76.) The elaborate ingenuity and mastermindedness of Robin Hood's gang was well ahead of its time.
77.) They used pulleys as a reverse elevator.
78.) They crafted a Smithey in the middle of the woods.
79.) I'm 89% positive they had a cobbler out there in Sherwood Forest.
80.) Azeem's sword was pretty cool.
81.) The witch could read fortunes from a simple mix of runes, spit and blood.
82.) Tracey Ullman's portrayal of Latrine called for "a little bit more blood" (among other things) when she was reading HER fortunes.
83.) Maid Marian has a cat named Nicodemus. No other name would do.
84.) Maid Marian had a sheepskin coat... with a train.
85.) The Sheriff of Nottingham and his cousin were goth. Totally.
86.) Passionate times call for passionate acting. Nobody was laissez-faire about ANYTHING.
87.) The film was directly responsible for the 15% increase in interest of archery within public school physical education programs nationwide.
88.) Ralph C. Mahar Regional High School and Natick High School offered an archery segment during the school year.
89.) According to Miss Grady, archery is "good cahdiovasculah".
90.) This movie is the closest I will ever get to thinking Kevin Costner is the balls.
91.) On the other hand, it is just the tip of the iceberg on how awesome Morgan Freeman is.
92.) There's more than one way to shoot an arrow. Who knew? Nerds knew.
93.) The costume designer, John Bloomfield was quoted as saying "... more earthy tones, bring me scarves, I need burlap and studs... MORE STUDS!!"
94.) The lovey dovey scenes are filmed in soft touch. Like a Glamour Shots photo shoot.
95.) There is an ULTIMATE twist in the movie when we think Robin is done for after his swinging rope catches aflame, but ho... who perchance is walking through the smoke like a fallen hero that didn't really fall? IT'S ROBIN!!!
96.) In between takes, the actors gave each other noogies and put "Kick Me" signs on each other's backs.
97.) Little John and Fanny's son is named Wolf. Ya, Wolf.
98.) The musical score is not too dramatic at all. Not at all.
99.) Robin Hood shoots an arrow right into Will Scarlett's hand. Yikes.
100.) What's over the top? Nothing.