Ohhh... hey, Robert Pattinson... you're looking very laissez-faire pretty boy scruffy hot today. Your hair looks really good, too... and you smell like stale cigarettes mixed with Old Spice... *swoon*.
Listen... once you get over your early 20's douchebag "I don't care" stage, I think you could be really promising. You have young Leo DiCaprio written all over you... I mean, you got me to see a movie about vampires... and your face sparkled in it and I still thought you were the hotness. You played "What if God Was One of Us" on a white baby grand to impress a mortal. You carried a young girl on your back like she was a koala bear, and your eyebrows were groomed for the part, but... cut to me... making room for you in my heart, filed under the hugly (hot-ugly) rock star and miscellaneous so-pretty-he-must-be-gay, but-he-isn't category. You're in there with Ben Burnley and Garrett Hedlund.
But, Robert... oh Robert... no... no, honey-chid... no!
There is only one Salvador Dali... and this is he:
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