SCENE: Dr. Cameron from House, MD gives birth to her son, James T. Kirk and makes a teary farewell to her husband who is saving everyone's life... y'know, no big whoop.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "What's wrong with my eyes? What is this wet stuff??"
SCENE: We meet Spock's mother, who is human.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "Whoaaaa!! Winona Ryder! Winona Ryder!! Oh my God! It's Winona Ryder!! Sssspock... do you have ssscisssoorrssss for handssss??"
SCENE: A bar in Iowa, James T. Kirk gets into a brawl with some dudes for calling them "cupcake" (I don't get it, I would think that is a compliment as cupcakes are delicious)... enter Captain Christopher Pike to break it up.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "Wow, spaceship captain AND famed teen horror novelist? What an accomplished fellow..."
SCENE: James T. Kirk rolls up to the spaceship place on his motorbike where they will head out to spaceship school in San Francisco.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "Swoon"
SCENE: James T. Kirk hooks up with a green skinned lady, showing he does not discriminate and is a man of the 21st Century, (I don't know, is that what century they were in??)
INNER MONOLOGUE: "Is that Elphaba?"
SCENE: Aboard the USS Enterprise, all the ladies on deck are sporting cat eyes.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "Note to self... purchase liquid eyeliner and master that look"
SCENE: After braving a wint'ry planet and a scary as fuck fire engine red creature (who I daresay is distantly related to "Clove" aka Cloverfield), James T. Kirk finds solace in an ice cave and meets old Spock, as portrayed by Leonard Nimoy.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "If I close my eyes, it's like I'm at the Mugar Omni Theatre"
SCENE: James T. Kirk and Simon Pegg (Scotty) beam aboard the USS Enterprise. Spock is pissed and orders security to hunt down the stow aways and "set phasers to STUN"
INNER MONOLOGUE: "That should be Tim Gunn's new catchphrase... as in, set phasers to STUN...niiiing!!"
SCENE: James T. Kirk exhales through his nose.
INNER MONOLOGUE: "What a talented actor that Chris Pine is. If he has ever grown a beard, I shall put him in my blog."
... so there you have it. I hope you enjoyed your stay in my mind.
Not in the movie, but sorely missed by my friend Kerri was the "blind guy"... she turned to me near the end of the film, put her headband in front of her eyes and said, "where is the blind guy? Where is the blind guy??"
I said, "that's NEXT generation" and pushed my invisible glasses up my nose.
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