So, for the benefit of those without a sixth sense (or even 5 1/2) I've compiled a few ways to tell whether or not a house is STRUCTURALLY haunted (don't get me started on blinking lights, sulfur, footsteps, etc.)...
Is it a Victorian?
It's haunted. According to Architectural Digest, the houses most likely to be haunted are Victorians - even if they were only just built within the last 5 years.
(I just made that up, but it might as well be true)
Did the previous owners leave grave rubbings in the basement?
Haunted.
Does it have a widow's walk?
It's haunted.
Was it formerly a plantation mansion?
Haunted.
What about an oceanside mansion?
Totes haunted.
Is your Dad Bill Pullman?
Haunted... with handsome!
Does the house have two stairways?
Guess what? Yep... haunted.
Does it look like somebody that knew Al Capone could have lived there at one time?
Haunted. Chicago style.
Did it used to be a factory and then someone turned it into trendy urban studio apartments with exposed pipes and brick walls?
Haunted... with Candyman, sorry.
Is it across from or next to a graveyard?
Haunted.
Is it near or in the woods?
Probably haunted...
Are there servant's quarters in the house?
Absolutely haunted.
Even if you don't see a ghost standing in the window when you're walking by at 1:30 on a sunny afternoon, can you imagine a ghost standing in the window? Yes?
Haaaaun-ted!
Did it burn down in a fire and then was rebuilt on the same site?
You know what I'm going to say...
Does the entrance to the attic look like a door to a closet or to another room, but when you open it you see the stairs going up?
Haunted.
Did the former owners leave mannequin body parts or an old painted portrait of a man and woman with oddly soulful eyes? So soulful... must hang up on wall... soulful...
The house is haunted and the PAINTING is haunted!
From the outside, does the house look tired?
Haunted.
Are either the attic or basement elaborately built?
Haunted.
Are there secret hideaways?
Haunted by a mad scientist.
And lastly, does it sit all by itself on a hill?
It's haunted.
So, there you have a few questions to ask yourself the next time you are walking by, or find yourself IN a seemingly haunted house.
I must note: a house that looks run down is not the same thing as a house that looks tired - if it's boarded up, it could just be a meth lab and not haunted at all. However, if it has a new paint job and nice trimming, but still looks a bit off... it's probably haunted.
Also be sure to trust your instincts, if you feel like something isn't right... it's not! You're in a haunted house!
If you find you are living in a haunted house... first of all, I'm sorry this blog didn't get to you in time. Secondly, watch 4 seasons of Supernatural and call me in the morning.
If you do not live in a haunted house because you are not one to shake off feelings of bad juju (like me), Congratulations! Have fun making up ghost stories for all the other suckaaaa houses that are haunted.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about... don't worry about it, go back to having zero imagination and poor intuition.
1 comment:
When I was a kid, I often rode my bike past a haunted house in my neighborhood. No one lived in it; we called it PECKERSKILLS. I have no idea WHY, exactly...could we have made up the name? I'll never forget the first time I actually got up the courage to go INSIDE!
:)
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