In this photo: My Mom and sister Liz
Some of us... (points to self repeatedly)... after hitting the snooze button for half an hour to an hour (continues pointing to self)... do not.
I "greet" the day like this:
Although, I think my morning demeanor has improved... Mom can be the judge of that, and it is for her that I write this blog based on my personal experience.
Ready, Mom?
HOW TO HANDLE A NON-MORNING PERSON WHEN IT IS EARLY IN THE MORNING
Okay, first things first... let's assess some basic assumptions like, for sake of argument YOU are the one waking them up. It is on your head that this morning grump is out of bed against their will and may Jesus H. Christ have mercy on your soul.
You may make reparations with coffee, tea or muffins - bacon if it's an emergency.
Once we morning monsters are up and out of bed, you may want to try communicating with us. It's natural, since you're fully functional at this hour... who wouldn't want to chat about the wonderful day that is to come?
We don't want to. That's who.
NEVER EVER under any circumstances utter cheerful words or ask us how our sleep was.
And do not EVER state the obvious, "you look tired" or "it's EARLY!" are invitations to DEATH.
Do not make physical contact with us. Maybe... maybe the situation arises that it's your daughter home for the holidays... you haven't seen her in months because she lives in Chicago and what a joy it is to wake up THIS morning and see her stumble out of the Fortress of Solitude. It's not every day you get to spend the morning with her... maybe a hug... or a kiss? NO. Don't do it, Mom... don't do it.
It's like approaching a woodland creature... you must let them come to you.
Never obstruct the path to the shower. I'm going to let you in on a little secret... before addressing our loved ones or even a small kitchen fire, a non morning person will want one of two things: 1 - A caffeinated beverage, 2 - A shower. You must not keep us from these tasks... we know we are Mr. Hyde and these objects help us get back to Dr. Jekyll... it's like giving us license to let the Morning Grumps overtake us and possess us. We don't want it and we know you don't want it.
Stay under the radar... our vision is based on movement.
You can try this super keen test to judge for yourself how much interaction you can get from a morning grump on any given day:
Stand to our periphery, With your feet planted firmly, remain very still and pointedly, but not cheerfully say "Good Morning"
- If you can hear all the syllables in "Good Morning" echoed back to you, then you're clear to engage, keeping any physical contact and conversation light and brief.
- If "Good" and "Morning" are slurred together: "G'mowning", then you may try for a question or two as long as you're not making eye contact.
- If you hear an indistinguishable sound like a low gurgle... step aside, this morning monster needs to take a shower and wake up. All will be right as rain after they're done.
- If your morning monster gives you a look that says "I kill you with my eyes", do not engage... make your reparations quickly and do not cross their path for at least one hour.
- And finally, if your morning monster attacks keep your hand at the level of your eyes because we'll always aim for the jugular.
1 comment:
I suppose it helps that every time I wake up 'Morning Has Broken' by Cat Stevens plays in my head. Hello world!
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